Verbotomist's Delight

DEFINITION: v., To grasp the meaning of muddled texts like blog posts, emails and text messages where standard grammatical or spelling conventions have been ignored. n., The ability to read and understand confused or poorly written messages.

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DEFINITION: v., To put an unwanted houseplant, especially a seasonal or gift plant like a Poinsettia or Easter Lily, outdoors in hopes that it will die. n., An unwanted houseplant which has been left to nature.

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DEFINITION: v., To "surf", or ride in a freestanding position on a bus, train or subway. n., A sport popular among transit riders who attempt to complete the entire commute in a freestanding position without using the handrails.

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DEFINITION: v., To call your cellphone when you have misplaced it, hoping that it will ring so that you can locate it. n., The sound of a lost cellphone.

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DEFINITION: n., A belief that the contraptions of yesteryear are superior, in almost every way, to modern, present-day technology. v., To wish that the today's technology was just as good as it was in the past.

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DEFINITION: v., To compulsively print out paper copies of all electronic files. n., A printing fetish common among paper pushers who suffer from a paranoid fear that their digital files are disintegrating on their hard drives.

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DEFINITION: v., To search for and find a pen to write down an important note, only to discover that the pen does not work. n., A moment in time when the only pens you can find, are pens that do not work.

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DEFINITION: v., To swap your lousy lunch for a way tastier one found in the shared office fridge. n., A lunch which is borrowed from a coworker and will not be returned until after it has been consumed.

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