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'Ahhh! My hair! Don't let them see me like this!'

DEFINITION: v. To remain calm, steadfast and ploddingly systematic in the midst of a huge freaking disaster. n. A person who systematizes everything from their morning routines to personal relationships.

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Verboticisms

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Calmandant

Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: colm man dant

Sentence: His real name was Edward Edwards, but we called him Steady Eddie. His middle name was Danger, you just knew it. He was the Safety Officer at work. You know, the guy they have to have on staff by law, who has weekly boring meetings, who arranges first-aid classes ad nauseum, who sends out zillions of safety tips and preventative brochures. You know, the guy who loves to organize fire drills, creates emergency preparedness policies, who lives for Fire Prevention Week or news of the Pandemic,who arranges yearly flu shots, who handles bomb scares, suicide preventions, does random drug testing and tries to beat his last timed evacuation record. He can't wait to have to call the CDC in Atlanta, the FAA, ER, SWAT,Interpol, WCB,EPA, FireRescue, Coast Guard, National Guard and any other agencies on his speed-dial. He lives to test our flashlight batteries, extinguishers, carbon monoxide detectors and the oxygen masks that he has installed over our desks, like the airlines. Don't get me wrong, we need guys like Steady Eddie, but did he have to enjoy a career based on potential tragedy so much? Although excited by the prospect of a looming calamity, he always remained cool, calm and efficient. Steady Eddie was the Master of Disaster; he was the AntiCrisis; the Apocalypse Mao; The Tragically Equipped; Genghis Yes-You-Can; Attila The Nine-One-One; Napoleon Bones-a-part; The Wizard of Gauze...Yes, he was our own Calmandant. They said he even stayed calm when the aliens abducted him one morning and took him with them to probe at will, never to get to wear his reflective safety vest and clipboard again. There's just no known drill to prevent that kind of incident!

Etymology: calm (steadiness of mind under stress;marked by freedom from agitation or excitement) & commandant (someone in an official position of authority who can command or control others)

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COMMENTS:

"Apocalypse Mao" was just too funny! Excellent. - Tigger, 2008-07-10: 02:03:00

metrohumanx CALMANDANT is cool- Steady Eddy is just the kind of take-charge guy we need ......not - metrohumanx, 2008-07-10: 07:50:00

very apt - Jabberwocky, 2008-07-10: 09:37:00

Steady Eddie is indeed needed in these types of situations, - at least, he'd keep everyone laughing. - OZZIEBOB, 2008-07-11: 18:23:00

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Femalusional

metrohumanx

Created by: metrohumanx

Pronunciation: FEE-MUH-LOOSH-UH-NULL

Sentence: Ever since his apartment fire, James had become unsufferably FEEMALUSIONAL. He traveled with a fire extinguisher, kept a stock of bottled water in the attic, had a medical kit the size of a fooslocker, a portable degenerator and a satellite phone with GPS...yet his pandering scoutmaster attitude and hopelessly optimistic pseudocheerfulness in the face of impending disaster forced his peers to reject him like a transplanted baboon heart.

Etymology: FEMA:Federal Emergency Management Agency + DELUSIONAL:A false belief that is resistant to confrontation with actual facts.

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COMMENTS:

metrohumanx It can't happen here. - metrohumanx, 2008-07-10: 07:47:00

super important to read the etymology on this one metro but great blend - Jabberwocky, 2008-07-10: 09:32:00

metrohumanx Hey, crew ! Check this site out: http://www.blackstump.com.au/ - metrohumanx, 2008-07-10: 09:36:00

Good one, metrohumanx...a woman doing what James did would be a Fema Fatale, n'est-ce pas? - Nosila, 2008-07-10: 23:13:00

love your etymology. - OZZIEBOB, 2008-07-11: 18:16:00

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Zensible

Created by: Stevenson0

Pronunciation: zen/si/bol

Sentence: Joe is zensible in the worst situations, remaining centered and focussed on what needs to be done to avert disaster and calmly following through.

Etymology: ZEN (calmness and enlightenment through meditation and self-contemplation) + SENSIBLE (having, using, or showing good sense, or sound judgmen)

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COMMENTS:

metrohumanx I hope that Joe's ZENSIBILITY carries the day when the shrouded head of doom rears it's ugly head on the horizon. - metrohumanx, 2008-07-10: 08:01:00

nice - Jabberwocky, 2008-07-10: 09:26:00

Joe must frink Dr. ZenZen, that German wine...a lot! Zentrifugal! - Nosila, 2008-07-10: 23:18:00

Good word. - OZZIEBOB, 2008-07-11: 18:06:00

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Ablomb

Created by: mplsbohemian

Pronunciation: uh-BLAHM

Sentence: Alex faced his simultaneous flu, audit, firing, and computer crash with ablomb.

Etymology: aplomb in the face of a bomb

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COMMENTS:

petaj great word - petaj, 2007-05-11: 02:12:00

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Calmcentrate

Created by: iwasatripwire

Pronunciation: com-cen-trate

Sentence: I always put on my calmcentrating hat in a crisis.

Etymology: calm + concentrate

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COMMENTS:

nice - wordmeister, 2007-05-10: 00:43:00

Won't forget that one! - geoamnesia, 2007-05-10: 03:40:00

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Herosterics

Created by: janatic

Pronunciation:

Sentence: When the proverbial feces hits the fan, you can count on Stan to fall into herosterics.

Etymology: hero + hysterics

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Pacifuss

Created by: SariEverna

Pronunciation: pas-i-fus

Sentence:

Etymology: pacify + fuss

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Numbfreak

Created by: remistram

Pronunciation: numm - freek

Sentence: Ted numbfreaked like a pro when he was told that everyone in the office was being fired. He took his coffee cup and he went home. Needless to say he won the numbfreak employee of the month award.

Etymology: numb (to be indifferent, non-feeling), freak (as in irrationally emotional, an anomoly)

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Hocusfocus

Created by: Stevenson0

Pronunciation: ho/cus/fo/cus

Sentence: It was Black Monday, the stock market was crashing and with all the wild rumours, panic, hysteria and insanity trader Davis Smith was in the state of hocusfocus, buying, selling, shorting and stabilizing his clients' portfolios among the doomsdayers and panic traders.

Etymology: hocus pocus + focus

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Shitcreeksurfing

Created by: katytee

Pronunciation:

Sentence: One good thing about an outbreak of the Ebola virus was that the queues at Tesco's customer service desk were always greatly reduced, thought John - who was one of life's natural shitcreeksurfers, and a bit of a pedantic git.

Etymology: To be 'up shit creek without a paddle' and take the opportunity for a spot of healthy exercise on your canoe.

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Comments:

Verbotomy Verbotomy - 2007-05-10: 00:01:00
Today's definition was inspired by Cory Doctorow's short story "When Sysadmins Ruled the Earth" which is published in Overclocked, and was suggested by autophile. Thank you Cory and autophile! ~ James

nostalgia75 nostalgia75 - 2008-07-10: 13:08:00
I'm still grinning at this one. Well done!

Verbotomy Verbotomy - 2009-11-26: 00:04:00
Today's definition was suggested by doctorow. Thank you doctorow. ~ James